Distance
by xohearted12
Summary: "What are you doing here, Kono?" Steve asked without looking at her. He couldn't look at her. She looked so broken and lost and it reminded him of all the ways in which he has failed her.


Hello, everyone! Again, this is just another random one-shot that popped into my head. All the mistakes are mine and I hope that you enjoy.

...

**pairing:** steve mcgarrett/kono kalakaua

**show:** hawaii five-0

**genre:** drama

**disclaimer:** sadly, nothing you recognize belongs to me.

...

Kono stared into her glass, her fourth of the night, as the brown liquid settled at the bottom after she had set it down on the countertop of the bar. She raised her arm, looking at the watch on her wrist, checking the time for the first time in hours. 10:42, it read. It had been almost three hours since she had originally arrived and found a place at the bar. It had not been a hard thing to do, considering it was had been practically empty. Even though it was currently a Friday night, one of the best nights for a business like this, Kono was pretty sure she had only counted ten people when she walked through the doorway. It was a strange sight to see, but didn't spend much time thinking about it. Normally, she came to this bar with the guys. A way to celebrate the closing of a long case that had caused a lot of grief. It was a great way to release any built up frustrations and let loose. Usually, Chin, Steve, and herself would listen to one of Danny's ramblings as he went on for what seemed like hours about nothing, but tonight was different. Tonight she was alone, drowning her sorrows in an endless amount of alcohol because she had been left alone. When she had needed her team the most, they had forgotten about her completely.

Only a few months before, she was a part of the island's best task force with a bright career ahead of her. She had a team that she loved working with. Everything had been going great for Kono, until one day, she was slapped with the reputation of being a dirty cop. Her badge had been taken away and she found it hard not to believe the things being said about her. Kono couldn't even remember a time where she was not a cop or was training to become one and when it was stolen from her, her life quickly turned into one huge mess, one she couldn't find a way out of. She did not have any idea how to regain the ground she had somehow lost. A year and a half out of the police academy and her badge had already been taken away. She couldn't believe she had gotten herself in this position. She had always prided herself on being a good cop, making her family proud, and she had always been good at it. Her skills never to fail her and she had found her place in a team full of experienced men. Losing that respect she had worked so hard for devastated Kono. Everything that had once made sense to her did not anymore.

She didn't even want to mention the undercover operation she had been a part of. The one where her former team and the new girl who was clearly her replacement arrested her. She had been placed in one of HPD's interrogation rooms, a place where she normally held the power. She wasn't supposed to be the one being question, but the roles had been reversed and she found herself scared of her boss for the first time since meeting him. The memory of Steve standing over her, questioning her about what really happened, still haunted her. He was so angry and frustrated. He didn't know what to think, so he shouted out orders, looking for answers she wasn't allowed to give. Something in his eyes told her that he believed some of the rumors as well. There had been so much she wanted to tell him, the truth was a good place to start, but none of the words she needed ever managed to escape.

Kono had lost her badge, IA had conducted a complete investigation, and no one even called. Well, that's not entirely true. Chin Ho had come by once to see her, but it still wasn't enough. She was bitter towards him because when he had been in the exact situation many years before, she was the only person to stand by him. She had been the only one out of all of their relatives to keep her faith in him, and for some reason, she had foolishly believed that if she were ever put in a tough position, the team would be there to back her up and get her out of trouble. Clearly, they had proven her wrong. All of the walls around her had been destroyed and she had been left alone to pick the broken pieces up on her own. While her life was in shambles, everyone else chose to continue on with their lives as if nothing ever happened. As if one of their own was not missing from the team.

Of course now, she had been reinstated, scheduled to start back up with Five-0 in less than week, but Kono knew that too much had changed for things to ever be the same. It seemed crazy to think that she was only twenty-five years old. She felt so much older. So much more experienced than that. Her experiences of being kidnapped and tortured and almost drowned had left her feeling emptier inside than she once had. Leaving the academy, Kono had been an optimistic rookie with every hope for her own future, but because of certain events, her faith in the good of people had long since faded. People are mean and life isn't fair. It's just the way of the world and she was forced to accept that fact the day she day her badge had been taken away.

The bartender, a man Kono assumed was close to her age, walked over to her position, successfully interrupting her thoughts. His arm reached forward toward her now empty glass and she nodded, hoping that he had plans to refill it for her. She wasn't sure how she had ended up in an empty bar on a Friday evening was beyond her understanding, but the alcohol was certainly helping. The glass was placed in front of her again, signaled by a loud clinking sound and Kono looked up, her eyes being met by the man standing behind the bar. He obviously had nothing better to do with his time.

"Don't judge me." She ordered harshly, knocking back yet another shot. The liquid made its way down and Kono knew that she would regret her actions in the morning, but, at the moment, couldn't bring herself to care. Drinking helped diminish the pathetic feeling she had every time she thought about the situation she had gotten herself into.

The man shrugged and it almost looked like he was going to walk away, but turned to her instead. "I'm sorry, but what is a girl like you doing alone on a night like this?" He spoke, pointing at her, even though she did not have any desire to have a conversation.

Her thumb traced the rim of the glass while she contemplated the question he had asked. A girl like you. Kono wasn't sure whether it had been meant as a compliment or not. She was sure that this man didn't have idea of who she was or what she'd done, and it was a refreshing change. She knew half of the island's population and not a day went by where she wasn't on the receiving end of judgmental stares and looks from people who couldn't even begin to understand the situation. They would never know the real story, so they did not have any right to judge her actions.

"It's a Friday night and you're attractive." He reasoned, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall. "Shouldn't you be having hot sex somewhere?" He asked matter-of-factly, not even thinking about it possibly being an awkward question to ask someone you've just met. Kono didn't care, though. It didn't even phase about it possibly being an awkward question to ask someone you have just met. Kono didn't mind, though. It didn't even faze her.

"Probably." She replied with a tilt of her head in once direction and a nod before taking another gulp of her drink.

"So, why aren't you?" He continued his line of questioning. While it was a good question, he was too curious, asking her too many things when all she wanted to do was get drunk.

"Because alcohol is better company." Kono answered almost as if it had been the obvious answer. It was a smart-ass comment and she knew that, but she didn't have the energy to apologize for it.

"Maybe." The man shrugged. "But it's not nearly as much fun to wake up to." He contradicted with raised eyebrows. Who was being the smart-ass now?

This behavior had become the new normal for her. Losing her place on Five-0 had left her with a lot of free time, so she took up drinking. The alcohol didn't judge her chooses and it was always available whenever she needed it, unlike the team she had put all of her trust in. Alcohol was a much better friend than they had ever been, Kono convinced herself. Aside from drinking, she also felt the need to break just about every speeding law every time she got into a car. She drove too fast, the adrenaline of pushing down on the gas peddle reminded her of the car chase she had been involved in only a few weeks ago. She had been involved in several before, but this one was different. She was no longer the one doing the chasing, but the person being chased. By the men she trusted no less. The dead body in the passenger seat reminded her of the bad chooses she had made, but, in that moment, she didn't have any time to regret them. Since that day, everything she did was reckless and she continued to do so, because no one was around to tell her otherwise. No one cared enough and the anger she felt was enough to kill her.

"Kono?" She heard her voice being called from across the room and she recognized it immediately.

She raised her arm in the air, beckoning for the bartender to return. "I'm gonna need another drink." She called out before quickly finishing the one in front of her.

...

There was a moment of silence that lingered for a while because all Steve could bring himself to do was stare. Her back was facing him, but he still couldn't look away. All of her hair was brushing against her back and the black shirt she was wearing.

At some point, his legs started moving from underneath him and he slowly made his way towards her position at the bar. He wasn't sure what he was going to do or say once he got there, but he did it anyway. He had not spoken to her since that day. Since he had been forced to interrogate her about her involvement in two murders. It was his job as the head of Five-0 to do so, but it did not mean he enjoyed it. He had walked around the room in circles for a while, trying to calm himself down, not wanting to say anything he would regret, before he finally spoke up. He watched the look in her eyes shift from one of disappointment to hurt. Steve could remember feeling so helpless that day. No one had any idea how deep she was in. No one knew how to help her.

Finally, his feet stopped as he stood behind her. He noticed her knuckles turning white as her grasp around the glass in her hand tightened. If she were to squeeze it any more, he worried that it might shatter. Steve looked around before taking the seat beside her. His forearms rested on the edge of the wood, his hands rubbing together to distract himself from the awkward situation at hand.

Kono's breath caught in her throat once she felt the heat of his body on hers as he sat. She struggled to keep her body from shaking and her palms from sweating. She couldn't show him that she was nervous. He couldn't have that kind of power. Not after everything. She swallowed the lump in her throat before swiftly turning her head to face him. She attempted to keep her eyes vacant of any emotion, but wasn't sure if her plan had worked or not. Her jaw clenched and her muscles tightened when she felt all of the anger she had kept inside for months suddenly boil to the surface of her skin. She wanted so badly to punch him in the face, but did her best not to lose control of her temper.

"What are you doing here, Kono?" Steve asked without looking at her. He couldn't look at her. She looked so broken and lost and it reminded him of all the ways in which he has failed her. One of the first memories to enter his head was the small graduation the team had thrown for Kono. He had promised that they would do anything to keep her safe, but he had lied. She had lost everything because of she was a part of his team. A team that was often left without a proper leader. His desire for revenge and justice for his family often clouded his judgment, and Kono had been the one to pay the price because of it. He was too concerned and wrapped up in his own problems to see what was right in front of him. Kono was struggling and none of them ever made any attempt to reach to her, and knowing the kind of person she is, Steve knew that she never would have asked them for help.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She asked rhetorically. She raised her drink, tipping it in his direction. "I'm getting drunk." Kono answered before swallowing a gulp of the liquid in her glass.

Steve watched while she cringed, the alcohol obviously leaving a nasty taste in her mouth. He wondered how many drinks she had already finished before his arrival and how many more she planned on having. Once he thought about it, Steve realized that he had never seen Kono consume anything other a couple beers. He had never witnessed her drink anything stronger around the team.

"How many drinks have you had?" He allowed his curiosity to ask. "I think you need to stop." He continued without giving her any time to respond to his first question. She had clearly been given one too many drinks and he knew exactly what she was feeling. She wasn't happy with the cards she had been given, so she tried to ignore how things were. If she ignored them, they weren't there. They weren't a problem. He didn't want to have to be the one to tell her, but it never worked. He'd tried it before and was always disappointed.

Steve moved his hand towards the drink she was holding, hoping to pull it away from her. She immediately pulled her arm away harshly before slamming her palm against wood of the countertop, the sound ringing throughout the room. "Don't tell me what to do!" She snapped at him. "You're the reason I'm here!" She shouted before stopping herself, afraid of the tears forming in her eyes.

Kono knew that her accusations were not entirely true. She and him both had made questionable chooses that had put him in prison and left her without a badge. It was just easier to place all of the blame on him. Kono found herself wondering why most of her anger had been directed at him. None of them, Chin, Danny or Steve had made the effort to see her, but it seemed like she was going to have the hardest time forgiving him.

She could feel his eyes locked on her figure as Steve sat dumbfounded in his position, stilled by her anger. It had surprised him, but it didn't mean he had not been expected it either. He knew that she hated him. The team had left her behind and he would always feel guilty for it, but he also didn't know what to say to fix things. Things had gotten so out control and Steve was not sure if there even was a solution. "I'm sorry I didn't come by to see you." He thought that it was a good place to start. He had never been good at these kinds of things. Apologizing for his mistakes had never been easy for him, but he thought ad

She shook her head. "It's not enough." Her voice broke un-expectantly. Her fingers tapped against the wood as she tried to calm herself. "You abandoned me. All of you just left me behind." Her words faltered then. There were a million things she was dying to say. She wanted to scream at him and tell him that she hated him because of everything he had done to, but chose not to, absolutely terrified of what she might reveal.

"I'm sorry." Steve repeated, at a complete loss for words. There were no words that would properly express the guilt he felt. He wanted so badly to turn back the clock, to make sure that this had never happened, but even he did not have that kind of power.

Kono rolled her eyes while playing with the straw in her glass. She could feel her frustrations mounting at his inability to say anything besides those two words. They didn't mean anything. It wouldn't change anything. She needed to hear more if she was going to even consider the possibility of forgiving him. Everything in her life had been turned on a dime in a matter of minutes and an entire summer had passed without any exchange of words. They weren't going to fix this is one night. Knowing the pain she was suffering though, it just didn't seem possible. She was too angry to think about moving past one of the most difficult times in her life. "You don't call, but everyone wants me to just forgive and forget because we're supposed to be a family. Ohana, right?" Kono chuckled. "Well, I think it's all just a bunch of bullshit." She spoke plainly, her smirk fading instantly.

...

The cool breeze of the ocean hit her cheeks, causing a slight rose color to appear. If she didn't know any better, it almost looked like she was blushing. She wasn't sure if it was actually helping, but she needed the fresh air. Her shoulders slumped forward as she rubbed her arms, trying to get rid of the goose bumps forming on her skin. Kono stood outside of the old bar on a quiet street in the middle of the city. At this point, it was past midnight, Kono was sure of it, so there weren't many cars making their way down the road near the parking lot, if any at all. If she were to guess, she had had at least six or seven drinks since arriving and Steve's still unexplained arrival did not help her in the slightest. She didn't know how to talk to him. All of her thoughts had become one huge puzzle and she didn't know where the best place to start was.

Kono allowed the air to numb her skin, hoping that it would numb her brain as well. Her brain never stopped working, never giving her a chance to stop and think or a chance to breath. Her thoughts were on constant overdrive following her arrest. There were far too many things to figure out and it quickly became too much to handle. Everything was tangled and messy and she didn't know how to get back to how things used to be. She wanted all of it back. Her badge, her reputation, but most importantly, the relationships she had within Five-0. She wanted her family back. She wanted the easy friendship she had once had with Steve back, and not the tense, painful one she was now presented with.

Her brows furrowed, looking up at the day sky, watching the stars light it up ever so slightly. Her lungs pulled in a breath of air that she desperately needed. The exhale that followed was heavy and loud in the silence. Soon, Kono could here his familiar footsteps from behind her. She was sure that he was standing several feet away, but he felt so much closer. She felt like she could feel him breathing on her neck, taunting her to her do something.

"I think it's time you go home." She heard him say, sounding detached and responsible. A moment passed before she recognized the sound of keys being pulled from his pocket.

Her hands were shaking at her sides, but she quickly moved them to rest on her heads before Steve got the chance to notice. She lowered her head, staring down at the ground, as he waited. Her bottom lip was stinging slightly because of her incessant habit to bite down on it when she gets nervous. Her thoughts were racing, something they always seemed to do whenever he was around. Kono couldn't believe she was still so affected by his presence. From the first day of meeting him, she had been sure to place Steve in the "off limits" category. A relationship between them, no matter how much she may have enjoyed the idea of it, would have been stupid. It never would have worked out between them. And now he had heard her behind belief, but he was still able to pull her in like he once did. She wanted to scream into the dark night, but instead, she turned on her heel, rushed towards him and crashed her lips onto his. She didn't have any clue where the courage to do such a thing had come from, but she couldn't take it back not. She wasn't sure if she wanted to either.

Steve had taken a step backwards, surprised by the kiss. His initial shock quickly disappeared and his mouth started to move against hers. The whole thing felt desperate and hungry. She was hurting and he wanted so badly to be forgiven. He heard a low moan leave her lips as his hands found their way into her hair. Almost immediately after, he realized what they were doing and he pulled away, knowing that things would have quickly escalated if he had left them.

He was not going to be that guy. She was drunk and, at the moment, hated him. He had betrayed her trust and he was not going to take advantage of the situation. No matter how much he had enjoyed that kiss. He stared at Kono as she stood in front of, looking disappointed by being pushed away and something else Steve couldn't seem to place. Her skin was glowing in the moonlight, her hair blowing in the wind, intensity in her eyes, and he could have sworn he had never seen her look more beautiful.

"Do you wanna take me home?" She interrupted the silence with a whisper. Her lack of courage in his answer did not allow her to speak up. Kono didn't know when she had convinced herself that one night with him would fix things faster than any conversation could. When her words failed, as they had in this situation, she always found an alternate way to deal with things. It wasn't always the right way and she was sure this was not the right way to go about things, but the question escaped before she could stop it.

Steve shook his head. He was doing everything in his power to remind himself of the negative consequences that would surely come if he were to say yes. He missed her. He hadn't realized how much so until tonight. He had found her broken in a bar and he wanted to fix, but knew that she was not going to let him. There were a million reasons why he wanted to kiss her again, but one in particular stood out in his head. "I'm still with Catherine." He revealed and Steve noticed that she didn't seem surprised at all.

"Is that why you're here?" Kono questioned with a scrutinizing expression. "Because it's Friday night and you're lonely?" She finished with a small smirk and a slight shrug, almost tempting him to reply.

Once he thought about it, he really didn't have an answer. Steve realized that he had completely forgotten his reasoning for coming in the first place. All he could remember was getting into his car and ending up wherever the vehicle led him. He didn't plan on drinking, but wasn't entirely shocked when his truck stopped in the parking lot they were currently standing in.

"Because that's why I'm here." She sighed dramatically. "I'm here," Kono started while pointing to herself. "Because I'm lonely and desperate." She stated the obvious while taking a few steps to be closer to him again. Her hands moved to touch his chest, but Steve quickly moved them away.

He dropped her wrists from his grasp, falling will a loud thud as they smacked against her thighs. His hand found his forehead, rubbing it to try and stop the headache that had now started to form. "I'm still with Catherine." Steve repeated. "I'm not gonna sleep with you, Kono." Their situation was already too messy to even think about adding the complications of a one-night-stand into the mix. He was hoping that backed down soon, because it was becoming increasingly hard to refuse her. If she had asked him at any other time in their relationship, he probably would have agreed, but not now. Not like this. It didn't make any sense. Ten minutes ago, she had been just about ready to put a bullet in him because she was so angry, but now

"No one has to know." Kono whispered and Steve could hear himself groan under his breath. What was he supposed to say? What did she want him to see? This definitely felt like a test. Like the entire future of the team's dynamic was dependent on this very moment.

His mind raced for any excuse he could find that would get him out of this position. "I'm still your boss." It was the only he could find that made sense.

"You're not my boss, Steve." She denied with a serious tone that scared him. "Actually, you're not my boss for another week."

Steve hated that she was right. She had gotten her badge back and had been reinstated. Her first day back was only a week away, but it still wouldn't make this right. Kono was never supposed to get hurt. He never meant for her to be left behind. He never wanted any of this for her. It wasn't fair and he blamed himself for all of, but just because they could not properly communicate their emotions, did not mean that sex was okay.

Kono paused, taking in a breath, feeling a rush of bravery move through her veins. Where it had come from, she couldn't be sure, but she was pretty sure that the amount of alcohol she had carelessly consumed was certainly playing a role in her decision making process at this point. "I'm not a rookie and you're not my boss. We're just two people in a bar. Both lonely on Friday night." She spoke seductively, playing with a strand of hair that had fallen from behind her ear.

"Two people in a bar, huh?" She nodded in confirmation with a smirk threatening to appear. "Your place or mine?" Steve asked, finally giving in. He knew that they were being stupid and irresponsible. They had a million things to discuss, complicated things, and they had an entire friendship to rebuild, but they would deal with that in the morning.

**The End. **

I'm not really sure, but some of the details and facts might be incorrect. I hated the entire storyline in the beginning of season two involving Kono, and I didn't really pay much attention to it. But, if you enjoyed, please leave me a review to let me know what you thought.

Thanks so much!


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